Visiting Horncastle From Other Planets

If you're Alien to Life on Earth there's no better place to have a Staycation in your Universe than a quiet market town where humanoids probably won't even be aware of you. If you're a little bit slimey, smell funny or have strange tastes, no doubt you could find your nirvana between the Bain & Waring H2O flows, whilst any winged beings may find camaraderie with the ducks & gulls.

Location, Location, Location

Just as Lincolnshire is to the UK, and the UK to Texas, The Sun finds itself on an untravelled outer arm of the Central Milky Way Galaxy. If Earth's entire history was compared to one of it's years, then the current bipeds have been around for the last few seconds of Dec 31st - and have already pretty much trashed the place. electric blue milky way spiral galaxy in black space with Horncastle located in one of the arms Ironically, this has made it easier to find with the increasing glow since 1945's dawn of the Nuclear Age and hundreds of open air tests. Although accidents at power plants aren't as rare as many would believe, they do tend to have the propensity to become extinction events, the latest few in Japan riveting the World media until Princess Beatrice's Fascinator Hat proved to be more of a disaster.

So, everything pleasantly electric blue on approach, as opposed to Earth's two barren sister planets, Mars a passionate red, and the 5th planet something of a moot point now. Earth has alot of water and can be attractive to those who are used to a lighter gravity and a more distant star. Unfortunately the oxygen content is diminishing in line with the resident's responsibility.
Parking can be made in orbit as part of the old time portal system is still available; it's not recommended to park in the past and travel to now as it is so damaged today. The large Tv mast to the north of the town can provide an aircraft free area around it, although it's recommended to keep the invisibility cloak on to save scaring the sheep. Getting in the way of any of the telly is also definitely verboten in most places on Earth.

UFO travelling from Mars to Earth


Many of the inhabitants will confess that television is an 'escape' for them, but who or what they're escaping from isn't clear. Perhaps it's Texas.


Once in Lincolnshire, the local's disgusting murderous habits may take some diplomacy to avoid trouble. Unfortunately they keep most of the other larger beings in concentration camps where they're fattened for slaughter. The Jigsaw puzzle of Oceanic life has also had many of it's pieces eaten. Even in the main Church on Earth, ostensibly worshiping their maker, they pretend to drink the blood and eat the flesh of their Messiah. He had previously   freed the animals and overturned the moneylenders tables, so be warned. Many say if the heavily bearded JahZeus tried to return today, he'd be detained at Customs. Luckily there are still vegetarian options on the menu.

Perhaps one of the more endearing habits of the town is it's trade in goods over 100 years old. Not very impressive if you're just coming up to your 55,000th Earth year admittedly, but a start, nonetheless. Speaking of which, Lincolnshire, and Horncastle especially, has more than it's fair share of elderly folk.

  visiting Aphex alien silently screaming at oblivious old bespectacled lady

With the state of the planet, and the   lifestyle choices of the residents, their twilight hours can be marked with oblivious forgetfullness, poor sight and hearing, and confusion. This is all innocuous until they sit behind a steering wheel or wander the pavements, and once again, diplomacy can be the better part of valour. Their motor vehicles too, try to drive at speeds only safely attained in the air, so it's best to be a little circumspect of road travel.


Being higher in latitude than any Canadian city (53.12North), the notorious British  weather is passable for 6 months of the year from April to September, but any reptillians may need to find a warm radiator to curl up against for the winter months. Most gravitate to the coast for a warm summer holyday, where the traffic becomes bumper to bumper. This makes Horncastle an inviting choice for a D.I.Y Park and Ride, setting up base far from the multitudes down on the Fens....

The temperature in winter has varied 31°C in a day from an ice-cracking -18° night-time low, to a balmy 13°C that afternoon. In summer 13°C is somewhere close to the night starting point; 33°C the 2015 daytime high.

Weatherunderground sticker showing sultry grey 33°C at tea-time

The hills all around the town form a crater shape that may be familiar to any Space Travellers, the air in the town a little more balmy than the alpine breezes up at Fulletby, Greetham, Mareham & Langton. With the plughole naturally open down the Bain river valley, Horncastle continually recieves a steady flow of clean air from 'above' as the exhaust fumes of the A153 & A158 flow away with the river.

Animation from Heather's

UF0 Troubles

Belmont Tower Wiki

caistor road catseyes and Belmont Tower nine aircraft lights at night

Lincolnshire has had it's ufo moments, most recently when an Octopus was seen hanging in the sky east of Louth when a wind turbine lost a blade to   'something'. Unfortunately Earth's   military may not only engage out of system tourists, but also blame them for their own right royal accidents.

With their short lifespans, not many Earthlings can remember the Atlantean times when pyramid structures were all over the planet. Only vestigal traces at    Hoe Hill  to the East and    Shearman's Wath  to the North of Horncastle hark back to the days when circles and platforms to the Stars were plentiful.

  Large hill which on unclose examination is an old pyramid

Hoe Hill is aligned west-east and is possibly an ancient Briton burial barrow on top of a suspiciously symmetrical promintory, whereas Shearman's Wath was definately a small circle. Probably on the last dry land before the Sea just south of Horncastle, they were usually used to measure the Moon's apparent width (perigee-apogee) to keep an eye on tides / auspicious planting times. The Bain may have been tidal in those days, and it would be handy to calculate a high tide for flooding, aswell as fishing.
Today, 4 days after Full Moon before 3 eclipses, all the dust on the window ledges was purple from Grimsvotn volcano eruption in Iceland. We were lucky not to get a British earthquake as all the magma rush north allowed the Eurasian plate it's first relaxation since the 9.0 Japan Quake. Things like that were/are handy to know and guestimate. Other   Lincolnshire Unexplained phenomenon generally have to do with Spiritual events, also of semi cyclic nature, with many old buildings having ghostly tales. The Lindsey Leopard, or Alien Big Cat, I've had two or three brushes with living at the back of caravan sites facing fields, and it basically wants to be left alone to it's hunting and sunbathing. Capable of bounding 30yds silently in your split second, many people have probably been within a few feet of it, and never even known it.

More Unlikely Astro Archaeology

Is Lincolnshire in a Time Warp?

 East Midlands Trains 

rainbow over north of railway station at Nottingham

There's evidence to suggest that even Lincolnshire itself maybe caught in some type of timewarp, characterised by quaintness, accent and infrastructure. Much of the road system harks back to the 1940's, with only a Humberside strip boasting 'M' designation. Many factories are prior railway, canal wharf or agricultural buildings wired through bakerlite fuseboxes, and the plethorer of 'scented' candle shops in Horncastle are cover for a much darker secret - regular power cuts. Admittedly, the Lincolnshire corridor gets more tornadoes than some places on the planet, including Kansas (although nowhere near as large), and this maybe the other reason for an occasional outage.

No Humans were harmed or eaten in the making of this post.

black bounding big cat animatation

v.small animated critter eating stalks

Main Wolds Photo Albums

Church Views

Classic Cars

River Views

Stone Work


Spring Wolds


Town Pan

Food & Drink

Other Shops

Quake Fun

Louth Trip

Town Sprung

Town Snow

Coast Trip


Kids Xmas

Classic Car 2

Classic Car 3

Antiques 2014

....or if you'd rather see some professionally shot County images,
put 'Lincolnshire' in the Search at:
 dreamstime      fotoLIBRA      depositphotos      123RF 

Visit from the Baltic States via  
 Finnlines  To Hull.

Finnlines Ship

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